another day in my life

poru tappe pannathe enniya kude emathrangle!! naan enna seithen? naan enna tappe seithen? yaan enniya ippudi kodumai paduthrange? emmathe veera oru allum kadaiyatha? ippedi poi sollrathuku vai kusseleiya? ellam unmaiya theringikittu madayan mathiri naan inggu orkanthiruken!!!! valkai oru periya seramamage aghivitruchi!! panam panam panam, panam illati nakke pudingikittu sagaretha??! oru manithan udiya VALUE pannathal parthal, nalla manithan udayia value enna? panam, veedu, puthiya vandi, puthiya thulaipesi, kai naraiya sambalem, itthu than oru nalla manithan udiya qualities ar?

enniya poghi eppdi emartruvittangleh!!! ennoda periya madayan intha bumiillei yaarum illai…. Mikka nandri….

i dont need or want people to sympathize for my misfortune….. i am a man and life aint a easy thing…. i will just ride my highway to hell the way i want it, leaving no prisoners behind….. for her…. thanks for being a hypocrite to a person who was taught to become a hypocrite

it was may the 27th, when i attended an event which turned out as a disaster. i do not wanna spill my guts in the blog as i dont want to publicise wat happened to me all over friendster. what i can say is, it was unexpected, uncompromising and devastating…. i till this moment dont know what the hell caused the fiasco, the quarrel and the miscommunication between people who i knew in secondary school. i dont know wtf caused it as for what i know i din do anything to cause what happened. now the reason i am writing this blog is because some of my friends, my brothers, and my girlfriend was affected because of it and i dont know how to approach them anymore as they do not wish to speak me. i understand how they feel and i understand thier anger towards me, but i hope they understand that if there was anything that i could do, i would have done it. its difficult for me to face them anymore, the physical injury caused was bearable, but the mental and emotional torture that i am getting when i think of what happened is really killing me… at the end of the day, i just hope they will forgive me if i had said or did anything wrong. i shouldnt have gone in the first place, that was the biggest mistake i made, i had a hunch that it was a bad idea to go, but now theres no point in regretting what happened. well its a wake up call for me to re-evaluate my friends from my PAST…. never expected them to rage on me, as i din do anything wrong. life is fucked up at the moment. please do not ask me what happened after reading this blog. this blog is just intended to those who know what happened. sorry.. thats all i can say..

i am officially lost…. and i have only myself to blame for…. my college life is turning upside down… once a fav student by lecturers and now i guess i should be the worst student in clas… i have lost my spirit, the cause in my life, the rebel in me is gone…. i am no more fighting and i am surrendering to faith until today when i got a rude awakening…. what the fuck am i doing….?!?! i have not been commited to my studies as i used to be… and now i really regret going to work in westin in the 1st place as i just lost hope and my belief in myself…. i have been blaming others for all the shit which has been happening but now… fuck i am just lost…. just another loser down the wrong way…. i cant imagine myself likedis anymor…… i gotta do something…. and i gotta do in now!!! desperately in need of help….. please help me…. i want to be the old nanda again…. i wanna be loved all over again… i wanna be an acheiver all over again… not just a daydreamer….i need to be motivated…. my engine in me need to be overhauled and jumpstarted….. i am on a downhill tumble… please help to roll me the other way round…. i am speechless of my current state….. post a commenty for me please

please…. i plead readers of my blog from misunderstanding my postings…. things in my life are okie…. my family is caring and loving as alwiz…. my friends are all in good health and within reach….. i am fine and still sane enuf to type this blog… and "she" is fine too…everything is okie… and actually its better now…. i will be "cleaning up" my blog soon…. hehehe…. "boy in love, diary of a mat jiwang" ends here…. thank you very much…